A major cause of our
loneliness epidemic is the 50-year deterioration of intermediate-sized
groups—ethnic clubs, lodges, parishes, neighborhood associations, precincts,
young adult clubs and even families. The extended family no longer lives within
walking distance. Seniors relocate among strangers; their children often live
in other towns.
A person
who uses a social media platform has, on average, about 150 “friends.” Several
surveys reveal that if friendship implies steady,
close and dependable, the actual number
is less than five. The Gallup Poll reports a steady decline in friendship. The
small friendship circle is further restricted because it increasingly contains only
siblings and first cousins. A recent Cornell University survey defined friend as “someone with whom you discuss
important matters.” The average number of such friends is two. The saddest in
this survey were those who say they have no important thoughts or feelings to
discuss.
OnePoll,
a survey company, broke down friendship into levels. The number of close
friends with whom you share important thoughts and feelings is three. Those
three, by the way, are people from high school and/or college days or siblings.
The survey says that most people make no new friends after their early 20s.
According to this survey, a person has five more friends that they “like” and
on occasion “meet one-on-one.” Finally, that person refers to eight other friends,
but does not seek them out or spend time with them. This understanding of
friendship without contact is baffling.
Let’s
use parishes and young adults as an example to further this topic of
intermediate groups and aloneness; the phenomenon of hanging out but not
joining. Of course, one blog column will not make for a mutual, solid
attraction between young adults and a parish. And, any parish that reverts to
1950s-style will—despite good intentions—quickly squander any sustainable
attraction for young adults. It is also inaccurate to say that “young adults
are leaving churches in droves.” Or put it this way: A change in Roman Catholic
gender exclusion in its ordained priesthood will not suddenly bring hundreds of
young adults through the church door. To be accurate, let’s note that a fair
number of young adults do worship regularly, but not at the pre-1970 rate.
Parishes
and congregations are still the main entity for social capital, details Timothy
Carney in Alienated America (Harper
Collins, 2019). Not only do people make connections through church, those
churchgoers are more likely to belong to other groups than non-churchgoers. Those
other intermediate groups do not have to be sponsored by the parish. For
example, a young adult who volunteers in a tutoring program for immigrants or
for high school students is likely to also be a church member. Yes, some
non-religious people are involved in circles of friendship and in volunteering,
particularly with other college grads. But “the best predictor of civic virtues
is regular attendance at church,” Carney writes in his important study.
Further,
young adult churchgoers in general have better employment opportunity,
stability in marriage, less drug use, less resentment and more frequent use of
libraries, parks and museums. No, this doesn’t apply only to the upper-class.
Immigrants who attend church or mosque or synagogue are upwardly mobile. Nowadays
it is primarily working-class whites who do not attend church. These young
adults hang out but don’t connect. Their conversations are superficial; their
use of TV and mobile devices is often excessive.
Surprisingly,
those people who are most likely to say that religion is very important are the least likely to attend church, Carney finds.
They are not searching for a vibrant expression of their faith. They are stuck
and largely disconnected. This is a sizable and growing number.
What will happen? To be continued…
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