Love Revisited by William Washabaugh

So, after considering two thousand years of history, and after surveying debates about the amorous needs of the sovereign self, we arrive at two quite different conceptions of love. On the one hand, there is love between sovereign selves, the popular conception of love that is mediated by desirous gaze. Lovers, seeing each other from afar, discern beautiful qualities, and then they come together in order to experience existential completion as the beauty of their beloveds compensates for the lacks and deficiencies that they see in themselves.

On the other hand, I propose that love is a corporeal entanglement through which “metastable” lovers become persons —personhood, in this account, being a continuously developing, never resolved state. Lovers are never wholly relieved of the tensions that prevail from their first moments of life.lxxvii Their negotiated intertwinements persist throughout life. And so, it has to be for persons who are processes rather than substances, and who are verbs rather than nouns—as Ulysses S. Grant confessed on his deathbed, when he said, “I think I am a verb.”

At every stage in their development as persons, lovers deserve care and respect. Even after their life-courses are apparently completed, they deserve care because loving entanglements never end. They are endlessly ramifying, never completely discernible intertwinements that are not terminated, even in death.lxxviii Lovers, I argue, develop into persons by engaging each other. They nudge, tug, and wrestle. With various tactics of demand, appeasement, conflict, and reconciliation, lovers accommodate their needs with the needs of their beloveds.

Breastfeeding models such engagement.

Entangled lovers, I contend, are gifts to each other. True, they tug and wrestle, but their wrestling is itself a component of their giftedness. Sometimes their gifts to each other are tied up in ribbons of exasperation, but they are gifts, nonetheless. And the exasperation itself is instrumental in advancing the development of both the giver and gifted.

The thing about gifts, though, is that the giving and the gifter can sometimes be hidden from view. A gift can be grabbed, embraced, and coveted as if it were a thing unto itself. Such a coveted gift can seem like self-standing object.  But its self-standing-ness is just an appearance; it is an illusion that hides the relational saturation of the gift that anthropologists since Marcel Mauss have long recognized.lxxix The giver and the giving are brought together in the gift, suggesting that the gift, like the loving person, is a process rather than an object, and a verb rather than a noun.

Up to this point I have portrayed human love as a saturated experience, one that is infused with entanglements and intertwinements that bring lovers/persons into their unsteady existence. However, there is no good reason for maintaining an exclusively human characterization of love.

I think, for example, of fungi and trees. Their entanglement is no less loving than the entanglement of woman and infant at the breast. Both involve negotiated endeavors focused on the task of supplying nutrients to the self and the other.

If we find ourselves wincing at the thought of “trees in love,”.lxxx it may be because our Western history has steered us away from what lineage-centered people have known without knowing, namely, that life is all about intertwinement, entanglement, and connection; and that true love is to be found nowhere else but in negotiated connections.

Breastfeeding models love, so too do “trees in love.” So, we have come full circle to the conclusion that lovers love each other as parents love their children, as babies love nursing women, and as trees love fungi. Entanglement is love, and love is entanglement. True love is the experience of attunement to the subtle resonances that prevail in and around metastatic processes. This attunement may include romantic feelings and passionate yearnings, but its primary feature is intertwinement.

We are not banishing eros but rather upgrading it. When people kiss on the mouth, like the lovers in Song of Songs, they do indeed become bewitched, bedazzled, starry-eyed, with “fever in the morning, and fever all through the night.” But much more importantly, “they become what they love.”lxxxi 

“They become “embedded in, partially defined by, and sharing a common fate with larger natural and social contexts.”lxxxii Lovers become one, but they retain their distinctiveness. They become one in the sense that a violin and its bow form one instrument. They are functionally complementary, each requiring the other for its completion. They vibrate with one another. lxxxiii

Lovers “encounter and experience the world other than through a solitary consciousness.”lxxxiv They experience “connection with difference rather than union into sameness.”lxxxv This experience of loving connection is arguably analogous to God’s own experience, that is, the perichoresis of the Trinity which models for us the sublunary dances of our entanglements.lxxxvi The three persons of the Trinity are entangled and intertwined; they resonate with each other.

Perhaps now we can appreciate the Biblical observation that “God is love.” It is a metaphor for the persistently resonant cosmos. “God” is our name for ubiquitous and unending relationality.  And, by the same token, we can now interpret Matthew (22:37): “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This new commandment means that we should become engaged in prickly negotiations—like infants at the breast—with everyone and everything that bears down on us.

Just as Jacob engaged that divine being in Genesis, so we are enjoined to wrestle with others throughout our lives. We develop in response to the half-nelsons we put on others and the arm-locks they put on us. Such is the nature of entangled love.  

William Washabaugh, Professor Emeritus of Anthropology

The University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee

<https://sites.uwm.edu/wash>.

 

Praying with Queen Esther By Gianluigi Gugliermetto   8/21/2025

Meditating upon prayer and the four paths, I realize that in our historical moment it is especially the via negativa that must be made present to everybody’s consciousness. It is terribly offensive to see people dancing and having fun in TV commercials while an entire people is scheduled to be deported — or exterminated if they don’t accept deportation.

It is tragically ironic that in the biblical book of Esther we read the same identical story: the powerful decided a date by which all Jews must be gone from the Persian empire, or else they would be slaughtered (Esther 3:7). Queen Esther then immediately started fasting and foregoing all pleasures.

“What Is the Esther Fast? The Power of Absolute Fasting Explained” @DailyGraceReflections-u9n

This must be seen as an expression of awareness, a refusal to pretend that nothing is happening — even though she would not be affected personally by the impending events (Esther 4:16-17).   Substitute the word “Jews” in the previous paragraph with the word “Palestinians” and you get both what we are living through right now and what prayer in the via negativa means at the present time.   The story continues with Esther taking the situation in her own hands and risking her life by interfering with the king’s decision of expulsion/ extermination. By a mix of skillful diplomacy and sheer luck, she is pivotal in reversing the situation and saving all the Jews (Esther 5-8).   This is a clear expression of via creativa — her daring skillfullness — which results in a via transformativa action, i.e. a positive result of social change.

As thousands of Israelis protest the ongoing genocide in a general strike, Netanyahu pursues plans to forcibly displace Palestinians from Gaza. Channel 4 News.

But Queen Esther can obtain what she does largely because she is an insider/outsider. She is part of the ruling class, and yet she also belongs to the oppressed people. She is in the position to forget the last part, yet she places herself in deep solidarity with those

who suffer. I wonder if there is anybody today who can play such a part on the global stage. Is it, perhaps, the huge crowd of Israelis who have taken the streets in the last few days?   Empathy cannot just be words or mere feelings. The via negativa prayer practices are very important because they help us to get out of our stiffened mental schemes and experience what others are experiencing in naked, unfiltered reality. Fasting, imaginative meditations, deep listening to first-hand witnesses, wailing in community… at least some of these things seem to me unavoidable at this time as they help us involve all of our being.   But sorrow can swallow us up and thus become another trap at the service of the empire. Even more is required of us. Our via negativa practices must be followed by some via creativa efforts — just as Esther employed all her skills and powers, showing the heart of a lioness. Show up to a protest! Or do whatever you can do.

Our via negativa practices must also be preceded by some via positiva exercises. At the beginning of this meditation I expressed my disgust at watching commercials with people at ease which feel like scorn (see Psalm 123:4). But now I also say that unless our

Storing up for dry times ahead: camel trains pause to rest by the Nile in Egypt. Photo by Rab Lawrence on Flickr.

bodies are well-fed they cannot afford a fast; unless our minds are pleased by beauty, they cannot afford to hear stories of utter misery; unless our spirits are lifted up high, they cannot afford to descend to hell.   The lion’s courage which Matthew has been invoking in his DMs must both precede and follow our prayer exercises in the via negativa.   Personally — as the decree of utter misery on Palestinians has been signed by those evil people in Tel Aviv — I need the courage of a lion to wake up, do my physical exercises, remember to eat good food, and enjoy my walks.   As Matthew reminded us recently (see DM August 12) all prophets, all spiritual warriors, need to take care of themselves. This is the via positiva root of our spirituality that we should never forget, and yet is only the beginning of the whole path.

Poverty Is More Than Lack of Money by Bill Droel

Unconditional cash assistance to the poor may not do any good. That is a conclusion from a rigorous study, Baby’s First Years (www.babysfirstyears.com).  An experiment, supervised by eight researchers, gave $333 per month for 48months to 1,000 needy families from the Twin Cities, Omaha, New Orleans and New York City. A control group received $20 per month. Results were additionally compared with the population at large. (No government money was involved.)

The experiment yielded no evident improvement in children’s language skills or their cognitive development. Neither the child’s health nor social and emotional behavior was any better than in families lacking the subsidy. The parents receiving the $333 experienced no reduction in stress. Most of these parents were single mothers. Most were Black, Mexican-American or recent immigrants.

The researchers were disappointed in the lack of improvement because they had read positive accounts about the federal cash subsidies given during the worst of Covid-19.Contrary to some interpretations, it is important to point out what the study doesnot show:

 There is no evidence whatsoever in this study nor in many others that Medicaid, SNAP and other federal programs are worthless.

 There is no evidence in this study that the participants were lazy or that they spent the cash foolishly.

 There is no evidence in this study that a work requirement would improve family life.Critics do raise reasonable questions about the study:

 Might inflation and higher rents make its 2025 outcome less encouraging than the reported results of the earlier Covid-19 subsidies?

 Might the sample size have been too small, or the duration of the benefits too short, or might measurement of the children look better as those children grow older?

Columnist David Brooks (N.Y. Times, 8/3/25) refers to the First Years study to conclude that “if a child’s social order is broken, federal money will not help.” To properly flourish, he continues, “all humans need to grow up in a secure container, within which they can craft their lives. The social order consists of a stable family, a safe and coherent neighborhood, a vibrant congregational and civic life, a reliable body of laws, a set of shared values that neighbors can use to build healthy communities and a conviction that there exists moral truth.” Instead, looking at our society we “see families splinter or never form, neighborhood life decay, churches go empty, friends die of addictions, downtowns become vacant, a national elite grow socially and morally detached.”

How to combat poverty? We must refute our culture’s presumption that all problems are caused by an individual’s defect. It is equally erroneous to assume that most individuals have the capacity to improve if they simply so choose. “To understand the cause of poverty we must look beyond the poor,” writes Matthew Desmond in Poverty, By America (Penguin Random, 2023).

The most significant factor for a child to have a “secure container” is a two-parent household. It can be any configuration—two married parents, either different gender or the same gender, likewise two stable unmarried parents or foster parents or grandparents. But a simplistic conclusion about single parenthood is wrong. If, for example, everyone was to get married, poverty would not disappear. Single parenthood is not in itself “a major cause of poverty in America,” as Desmond puts it. Marriage alone does not create the orderliness that children need. Marriage is a big positive for families in the context of other securities. When the poor have real economic opportunity and other buffers, “marriage typically follows,” Desmond concludes.

The other significant factor for a child’s security and growth is parental involvement in their education, no matter in this case if that parent is single or in a stable relationship. Thus, society’s job is to allow parents the wherewithal to supervise homework and to meaningfully interact with teachers. Society withers when economic inequality with its large sector of precarious employment makes a healthy home life too difficult. Our economy and culture must thus be reformed in ways that permit parents to network with one another through school sports or student clubs, through relational congregations, through effective community organizations, through bona fide unions and the like.

Droel is editor at National Center for the Laity (PO Box 291102, Chicago, IL

60629).

THE SHEMA: A FORGOTTEN GUIDE

 By Bill Lange

The Shema is the basic Hebrew prayer cited by Jesus of Nazareth in the synoptic Gospels. It is a self-evident prayer for all. 

"שְׁמַע יִשְׂרָאֵל יְיָ אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ יְיָ אֶחָד"

(Sh'ma Yisra'eil Adonai Eloheinu Adonai echad)

Hear, Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One. -Deuteronomy 6:4

Love your neighbor as yourself:  I am the Lord. -Leviticus 19:18

Would we have the tragedies in Gaza if the Shema were remembered, understood, and felt?

Two Sides of a Coin: Milwaukee #1 in 2 Very Different Ways By Dean Muller, President, Wisconsin for Environmental Justice

Milwaukee is currently celebrating a unique and complex position, holding the top spot in two

very different and significant areas. On the one hand, the city is basking in the glory of its

beloved baseball team, the Milwaukee Brewers, who have achieved an outstanding record and

stand in first place in their division, a testament to their hard work and skill. On the other hand,

Milwaukee is also experiencing a less desirable "first place" ranking: having some of the worst

air quality in the world.

The Milwaukee Brewers have been a source of pride for the city, with a phenomenal season that

places them at the top of their division. Their success has brought a sense of community and

excitement to the area, with fans eagerly following every game. Their record is not just a

divisional best, but an achievement that puts them among the elite teams in all of baseball. This

is a moment to celebrate the dedication of the players, coaches, and the unwavering support of

their fans.

However, a stark contrast to this positive news has enveloped the city in a literal sense. A heavy

blanket of smoke from Canadian wildfires has descended upon Milwaukee, pushing the Air

Quality Index (AQI) into the "Very Unhealthy" range. As the smoke has settled, Milwaukee has

found itself with air quality levels that have been, at times, among the worst in the entire world.

This is a far less welcome distinction, and one that poses a serious health risk to all residents,

especially those with pre-existing conditions.

This air quality crisis is not a local phenomenon; it's a direct consequence of a larger, global

issue. The Canadian wildfires that are producing this smoke are themselves a symptom of

climate change. Scientists and meteorologists attribute the increased frequency and intensity of

these fires to a combination of factors, including warmer temperatures, extended droughts, and

less significant winter snows. These conditions create the perfect environment for fires to ignite

and spread. Even "zombie fires"—wildfires that smolder underground all winter long—are being

cited as a factor, as they can reignite on the surface with the onset of dry spring and summer

conditions.

While the smoke may eventually clear and be carried away by the wind to affect other regions,

the underlying cause remains. The excessive use of fossil fuels and the resulting climate change

are creating a world where such extreme weather events become more common. This dual

reality—celebrating a championship-caliber baseball team while simultaneously facing a public

health crisis caused by climate change—presents Milwaukee with a critical opportunity. It's a

chance to acknowledge the interconnectedness of our actions and their consequences.

The first step in addressing this issue is understanding it. The smoke in our air is not just a

temporary inconvenience; it is a clear and present signal that we must take action on climate

change. As we cheer for our team's success, we must also recognize the urgency of a different

kind of challenge, one that requires a collective effort to secure a healthier, more breathable

future for our city and beyond.